Everyone should compose, understand, clearly articulate and publish their own Dos and Donts. Here are a few that have come to me. The double “D’s” are not just for Vice Magazine. (Note: apostrophes intentionally omitted for speed)
Dont: Ever, ever slap me on the back. I will retaliate with the utmost force and without hesitation.
Dont: Encourage me to do things. I’m all set, thanks.
Do: Slide through life seamlessly, without hindering other’s ability to do the same.
Dont: Get aggressive when you play pool at a bar.
Do: Return the favor of a free beer(s).
Do: Hug.
Do: Remind me sometimes.
Dont: Speak to me immediately when the movie ends. I need time to get through it before we can discuss.
Dont: Talk about my mother in any way.
Do: Let me know if something embarrassing is going on somewhere on me.
Do: Critique my work honestly.
Do: Bring beer.
Do: Take the back of the boat unless offered the front.
Dont: Toss anything out of your car window.
Dont: Leave your dog’s/ cat’s shit around.
Do: Offer respect first.
Do: Listen. Learn. Understand. Then get involved.
Dont: Start a website of any kind without plans to maintain it.
Dont: Ever perform a wet willie on me. I swear it will be your last.
Dont: Offer more information than is necessary.
Do: Try painting, writing and playing music…at least once a year.
Dont: Think that I am thinking something.
Do: Believe that you’re better than people let you think you are.
Do: Feel free to be a vegetarian, vegan, or meat wuss.
Dont: Ever vibe me for eating animal products or ask me to try tofu.
Do: Stay on top of shit that affects other people close to you.
Do: Use the Internet more.
Do: Read more.
Dont: Offer me anything without my expressed written, recent permission.
Do: Leave me alone when it’s obvious I want you to go away.
Dont: Drive without a clear destination and fairly clear sense of direction.
Do: Offer suggestions.
Dont: Suggest the same thing more than twice in a week’s time.
Do: Clearly ask when you need something from me.
Dont: Go away bitter because you’re a pussy.
Dont: Ever leave water on my bathroom floor.
Do: Think ahead.
Dont: Waste anyone’s time but your own.
Do: Read, think, comment, add to the stories.
Do: Oh yea, if I owe you something, ask for it sooner than later.
7 responses so far ↓
1 g-lo // Mar 27, 2007 at 9:26 am
Do: Load the strokes “Don’t:” into the clipboard and then paste them when you need them.
Do: Add the comment link to the bottom of your posts, +1 if you write long posts or lists.
Don’t: touch my ears (see Vince’s wet-willie/backslap above) and add firearms.
Do: Not make me have to add “I think” or “In my opinion” to everything I say, obviously if I said it I think it (unless I’m grinning).
2 Johnny Boeles // Mar 27, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Hey! I totally have slapped you on the back. That’s how we do it in the CT.
3 Johnny Boeles // Mar 27, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Great. The copy editor spelled his own name wrong…
4 Barbara // Mar 28, 2007 at 5:06 am
Love these blogs! Thanks for keeping me in the Portland loop
5 Vince // Mar 28, 2007 at 7:44 am
Agreed on comment link at the bottom. Been working on that, may need professional help.
Boeles, keep that spelling, it’s quite sophisticated.
6 Wifey // Mar 28, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Do: Remember to bring me home flowers now and then.
Don’t: Forget shit that I ask you to do once and then I dont have to ask you more than twice.
Do: Remember that our dogs are brain damaged and don’t act surprised when they do retarded things.
Do: Remember that I love you!
Don’t: Get mad that I leave shit in random places on a daily basis.
Don’t: Save the envelopes.
Don’t: Leave the trimmings in the sink.
ps- I have to admit I like the Boeles spelling myself. Very chic.
7 Vince // Mar 28, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Yes, My love…
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