I want a big truck.
I don’t want a small or medium truck.
Ranger, Canyon, Dakota and Tacoma, screw you.
F150, Silverado, Ram or more, you will be mine.
I grew up wanting the Fall Guy truck. (Side note: DVD of the entire series released 06.05.07)
I played with Stomper 4X4s in the sand box.
Stompers were big, with big tires and went hard and slow in one direction, without turning or stopping.
Stompers were the best boy’s toy ever.
They required one AA battery and no thought what-so-ever.
Just dirt and a truck.
I have lived in Vermont and Oregon, where everyone jacks them up and drives trucks without reservation.
When I drive my vehicle, my knees and hips should not touch anything on either side of me.
My elbows should have to reach out for a landing spot.
I should never be able to touch my windshield with a seatbelt on.
I cannot deal with things touching me all the time, I need space and power.
I should be able to spill coffee, beer and other materials without worrying in the least.
Mud should belong on my truck.
I should be looking down at you and driving over you if you madden me.
I should have to jump up to get in.
I should be stepping down onto the curb when parking, not lifting my ass up out of the car.
All hybrids look and drive like wussies.
Don’t be mad at me.
Don’t curse me for wanting a truck.
I did not cause high fuel prices or Iraq or global warming.
I am unhappy that trucks may or may not contribute to that stuff, but that won’t stop me from wanting one…or more.
Thank you for putting questions in my head: “Do I NEED a truck?”, “Couldn’t you LIVE without a big truck?”, “It’s SO big.”, “Why do you need a truck that BIG?”.
Reality: I am a big man who admires big trucks. I don’t even care what color they are.
If it’s big and strong, I’d drive a pink one and still kick your ass in it.
As a big man who will always like big trucks, and one who has the means to own one, I may just buy one soon, and drive it happily.
Just letting you know, so you can prepare to keep your comments inside, bottled up.
And keep your horribly lame, hybrid wimp-mobile in the slow lane, for as long as it makes you feel better about yourself.
15 responses so far ↓
1 LG // Jun 11, 2007 at 6:05 am
once upon a time, I had a big red truck. I was a sales rep, and having a bigger badder truck than the other reps made me cooler, so I could sell more widgets. I drove my big, bad, red truck all over the place and went on epic road trips. I could (and did) drive that truck right up into the base area at all the local resorts and do events and demos right there on the snow. I never got stuck. It was all about “hey! look at me in my big bad red truck and all my widgets! come try my widgets and see how cool they are!” Oh, and it had big logos all over it, in case you didn’t know what I was selling.
now I work in an office. I drive a sporty euro wagon on my commute. I still go on epic road trips, but I have less room and can’t just toss a full sized mattress in the back and sleep in there. I don’t like it when my car gets dirty. I lowered my car to make it look cool and corner better on our winding road. I work in marketing, but my car has no logos on it. I don’t care as much about the widgets these days.
What do I like better? Hard to say. My truck was way more badass and I am way more of an anal retentive weenie now about the car.
When I get passed on the highway by a big bad truck, I will race the shit out of it and win, but I know deep down that whoever is driving it could smash me like a bug (although my car is one of those fancy ’safe’ ones).
I don’t NEED a big truck any more, and I don’t WANT one that bad. 50 miles of commuting each day with a big V8 would suck balls, and the truck would not handle our road very well. Someday I might get a big truck again, but I would really have to NEED it (or just have some sort of midlife crisis and not want to buy a sports car).
2 Tara // Jun 11, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Man Trucks are the best thing around. Even though my FJ is no truck compared to what you are talking about, it does fit into a bunch of those statements like jumping into it, looking down on people, changing lanes without even looking because you know everyone is going to get out of your way anyway and having an all plastic interior that you can spill anything on and just pull the carpets out and hose it off. I love my cruiser and can’t ever imagine driving anything little and wussie and close to the ground. If I wanted to be that close I would ride a big wheel or something. Driving over and above stuff is so much cooler then driving next to or under stuff…Go out and buy one so Chuck and I can ride it when we come to Oregon in a few weeks…beep beep
3 Vince // Jun 12, 2007 at 6:55 am
My truck will not say “beep-beep”.
4 ryan // Jun 12, 2007 at 7:12 am
get a diesel
5 Tara // Jun 12, 2007 at 10:37 am
you should install an air horn in it. Ha
6 wifey // Jun 12, 2007 at 12:19 pm
i think we need the ‘dukes of hazzard’ horn insalled.
yeahhhhhhhhhhhh
7 Chuck // Jun 14, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Here’s a Portland man truck for you. King-sized and biodiesel so all the Portland hippies won’t key it. http://www.youarenext.net/update/images/pdx_06_1/kurt_truck.jpg
8 Vince // Jun 15, 2007 at 7:18 am
Yup. Except why does every biodiesel driver feel the need to advertise it?
9 Chuck // Jun 16, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Duh, so the Portland hippies don’t key it. Get yourself a ‘67 Chevelle SS and throw a bench seat in it if you want some room. Better use for a V8.
10 J. O'Shea // Jun 19, 2007 at 6:54 am
I loved the full sized Bronco I had when we lived in Truckee.
It was stupid. Gas was about $0.93/gal at Maplefields in Stowe when we left on October ‘99. It was the astronomical price of $2.09/gal in Truckee. I would put $75 a week into it thanks to the 35 gallon tank. The $8.00/hr I was making at Sugar Bowl didn’t go very far.
Driving up Donner Pass each day, through an area where people were once forced to eat one another, I floated through the feet of snow like I was on a pleasure cruise.
Those sunsets and sunrises on that drive, combined with that truck, made it a very enjoyable time to be getting heavily into Built to Spill.
Yeah West Coast.
J
11 Cris // Jun 20, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Pansies.
Cris
12 Vince // Jun 23, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Big Chevy deals coming up right before 4th of July, bitches. How big is Vincey gonna go? Jacked 2500 Diesel? Silverado Z71 Guzzler? Crappy Impala Hybrid?
13 Gavin // Jun 28, 2007 at 2:08 pm
I just saw the new Tundra 4 door king cab full bed. I am not all about having a truck, but that thing kicks ass.
14 Vince // Jun 28, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Uh, yea. Those are the raddest truck’s out there. Little Stephen Price just landed one and it’s big and gulpey.
15 Beaner // Mar 22, 2008 at 5:29 pm
i drive a 97 jeep grand cherokee, yes.. grocery getter.. but wait.. its a TSI version.. wich means that in 97 when it was built, Jeep decided to put the biggest baddest engine they could stuff under the hood of that thing… 5.9L v8 (now the hemi’s are bigger but bear with my moment of glory)
under that there is a set of 31″ tires… i will roll right over your foo foo late drinkin fart cart of a hybrid without so much as having to put it in 4weel low…
grocery getter my ass…..
Leave a Response